You know folks, I didn’t even realize that today was Friday the 13th until I read through a few blog posts on the WordPress dashboard. Thank goodness that I have managed to survive. I consider this an amazing feat since I had no forewarning. Thanks FOX News. Thanks CNN. Thanks for nothing! Luckily I have escaped certain death and, being in Japan, I have already weathered most of the evil storm that you all in the states are going to go through over the next 15 hours. As long as I am able to hold it down for the next two hours over here, I should be good to go.
It would have been nice to have known a lot earlier today that somewhere out there lurks a masked killer poised to lob off my head at the drop of a fedora. That is the kind of information that I am looking for when I watch television, but there was absolutely no mention of this ominous date in the media today. Again, this could well be the fact that I am 13 hours ahead of EST, but that doesn’t excuse the media’s lackadaisical attitude towards the most notorious day of the year; not to mention their total disregard for my safety. Perhaps they should issue some sort of “Crimson Alert” type of thing when crazed psychopath killers are out on the loose, but instead of a cutting edge early warning system for serial murderer celebratory days, when I turn on the television, I see Cupcake Wars. Yep, you heard me folks; Cupcake Wars! I flipped on the tv and that is all I got. No warnings, no news, no political banter. Just Cupcake Wars.
For those of you who have never seen this ‘amazing’ television show, it goes a little something like this:
The audience is introduced to four sets of pastry chefs from all over the United States. Occasionally, the viewing public is surprised by an interesting import such as a French pastry chef or a Cambodian cupcake cook. Almost always, there is a contestant who is all tattooed up and is running an edgy bakery somewhere in Southern California. Probably pot cupcakes, but I digress.
These blowhards get all worked up competing against each other to create unique cupcake recipes that revolve around various themes, depending on the week. Unfortunately, there is only so much that one can do with a flipping cupcake. These “chefs” usually come off to me as self-indulgent windbags, especially the moron covered with tattoos that thinks that he is bringing something raw to the world of cupcakes. Newsflash dipstick. There is already something raw about cup-caking. It’s called eggs! Give me a break. You are an overrated caterer for children birthday parties and company potlucks. You make miniature cakes for crying out loud. You don’t even make big boy pastries!
The big shots that run network programming need to get a grip. How the hell is a cinnamon ginger jalapeno cupcake going to stop Jason Voorhees? Perhaps he is a sucker for red velvet, but I highly doubt it. The only red that he wants to see is the blood that he squeezes out of your jugular!
Excellent juxtaposition! I’ve had cupcakes on the brain myself lately (I even wrote about it this week: http://wp.me/pY8MO-dP) But cupcakes next to serial killers — I don’t think I would have had any insight.
I agree about the “edgy” cup cake makers. Maybe those guys need to read some Ecclesiastes (not that I would normally recommend Bible reading to anyone) — there’s nothing new under the sun.
Crystal
http://www.crystalspins.com
I’m glad that you enjoyed the post. Thanks for reading.
-Josh
I too had no idea it was Friday the 13th, but I don’t have Japan as an excuse… But there’s nothing to say that Jason wouldn’t like a cupcake AND to kill you, ya know? It’s not really an either/or situation
– Calhoun
http://selfproclaimedmegalomaniac.wordpress.com/
You are right. Jason is a multifaceted killer. He can surprise you.
-Josh
Oh, today is Friday the 13th. Didn’t realize! And pot cupcakes? Really? My tattooed chef of a sister is NOT going to appreciate that comment:) Congrats on FP!
I actually have an army of tattoos. I hope that your sister sees this for comedy. Thanks for the comment and stay safe today.
-JOsh
Thanks for the laughs! This was a brilliant post. Also, I bet if Jason ate a pot cupcake he would be a lot less likely to murder you. Just a thought. Although I’m sure a cinnamon ginger jalapeno cupcake would just make him angrier.
Yep. The pot cupcake could have saved a lot of those young girls in the movies. Thanks for the comment.
-Josh
This just made my day. I am a die hard horror movie addict, I went to Japan a few months ago, and I think Cupcake Wars sucks. So, I basically love this, especially the bit about the tattooed mini-cake chefs in Southern CA. Nice writing!
I am glad that you enjoyed the post. I must admit that there are a lot less killers and cupcakes here in Japan. The only thing you have to be mindful of is undercooked sushi…actually…
Brother,
what a ridiculous post… cupcakes are real, edible and tangible things! not to mention, delicious. and you’re out here in blog-land, scaring the hell out of children by going on about some fictional, 1980’s horror-film-has-been. had i not developed next to you in a wet sack of womb-juice, i may have mistaken your flim-flam for fact! i am ashamed to call you brother. please, for the children’s sake, post disclaimers when you tell blatant lies on your blog!
with love and contention,
The Bad Twin
OMG, I’m ROTFLOL at this. You guys crack me up.
Dearest Sibling,
It is with deep regret that I wake up today and see that you have posted a comment on my wall. I guess that Jason missed his deadly mark yet again. You will do well to steer clear of large masked fellows for the next few days. He may realize his mistake.
Yours
The Good Twin
Excellent. Don’t worry, friday the 13th doesn’t really exist… it’s all a scam 🙂 anyway, like it!
If you’d ever want to feel better by hearing how my friend got attacked by a mortal seagull, just check me out 🙂
http://www.sunshinediary.wordpress.com
Thanks for the comment and the reality check. I always get a little nervous on the 13th.
-Josh
I didn’t think it was possible to combine my two loves: cupcakes and horror movies. You, sir, are a genius.
It’s Friday the 13th? Crap. I can’t believe I left the house this morning.
Thanks for the comment. Please let my brother know that I am a genius. He is actually rather fond of calling me stupid.
-Josh
Whoops! Forgot it was Friday the 13th. Thanks for reminding me. I probably would have gotten killed if you hadn’t reminded me. Oh, and cupcakes, I love cupcakes! I mean, who doesn’t? But a whole T.V. show about making cupcakes…Ummmm…Interesting…
-Danny
http://writeos.wordpress.com
I’m glad that I was able to provide you with an early warning. I no doubt saved your life today. Thanks for the comment.
-Josh
I’m sorry I even took the time to read through your post – can’t imagine you create anything as amazing as some of the recipies I come up with for fabulous treats that make people smile …but oh well
Robyn
I’m sorry that you were bothered by the post. It was supposed to bring a smile. Sometimes humor can have collateral damage. I love cupcakes and I am sure that you do brighten folks days with them. Thanks for commenting.
-Josh
Man, that was great…lumping those two things together. That show is a little goofy but I love The Food Network!….Jason
Thanks for the comment. The Food network is great. I’m more of a Chopped fan though.
-Josh
You’re funny…Now I am scared AND hungry…
PS Why are YOU the Good Twin? : )
Thanks for the comment. I guess that whether or not I’m actually the Good Twin would be a matter of perspective. I’m sure that my brother disagrees.
-Josh
Great post. Loved it. But as a side note – What is with cupcakes stores anyway? I thought it was a joke the first time I saw one. I can’t remember the last time I thought that I could really go for a good cupcake right now.
Thanks for reading my post. I’ve been in Japan too long, so I’ve actually never seen an entire store dedicated to cupcakes, except for on tv.
-Josh
Your a twin?
I am. Thanks for stopping by. I hope that you enjoyed the post.
-Josh
Even if the first cupcake you threw at Jason, did stop him. We all know, he is coming back, again! AaAAAHHHHH!
I know. He is a tough individual, but even the baddest hombres love a good cupcake! Thanks for the comment.
-Josh
But CLEARLY cupcakes represent all that is GOOD while Jason represents all that is EVIL, right? It’s a blockbuster SMACKDOWN just waiting to happen!
Who wouldn’t want to see Jason try to go on a killing spree covered in colored frosting, pastry and sprinkles? 🙂
Congrats on Freshly Pressed!
Natina
http://humansareassholes.wordpress.com/
http://crosswordcharlie.wordpress.com/
Thanks for the comment. You know, I never thought about the connotations between good and evil in this post. You have uncovered some interesting insights into the cupcake vs Jason debate my friend.
-Josh
Very cute! Thanks for the laugh! I am a little upset with Fox news and CNN as well that I was not warned of this dreadfully superstitious date. I’ve schedule a job interview for today! Lord have mercy on my soul…what if it’s with Jason? 😉
Good luck. If the business executive is toting a chainsaw, I would suggest pulling your resume. Thanks for the comment.
-Josh
Excellent, thanks for the nice article
Thanks you very much George. Have a great day.
-Josh
Two of my very favorite guilty pleasures, cupcakes and and my dream date Jason in one post??? Synchronicity happening here…
I’m glad that I was able to bring those two things together for you today. Thanks for stopping by and for the comment.
-Josh
I always thought CupCake Wars was such a stupid show. Like, really?! A show all about cupcakes and then they’re going to try make it all hardcore and intense. Pfft, nuuh.
But anywhoo, your post made me laugh. 😀
Right? They do take themselves a little serious, but if it what you love to do, I guess that it is serious business. Thanks for the comment.
-Josh
Wow, You have some serious issus with cupcakes!
I love cupcakes. I just hate Jason more. Thanks for reading.
-Josh
Hate to break this to you, Good Twin, but in Asian culture, the 14th is the unlucky day.
Good luck. And this time, YOU’VE BEEN WARNED! 😀
Funny stuff with you and the womb mate.
Oh crap….another day of wandering the streets in a panic!
-Josh
xD totally awesome…i wish it was my birthday today though…friday 13th is awesome
Thanks for the comment. I’m glad that you enjoyed the post.
-Josh
You can’t be too edgy with sprinkles and cupcakes. I’ve never seen a ‘manly’ cupcake. A ‘Voorhees-worthy’ cupcake…though he was a chubby when they pushed him in that lake.
But it isn’t Vorhees you should be worried about. I’m thinking the chick from The Grudge.
Thanks for the comment. The Grudge actually scared the living poop out of me. I had to run past my television every morning for months.
-JOsh
Perhaps a Friday the 13th themed cupcake skirmish? Operation? Preemptive strike? Conflict? Since Congress was not involved in declaring this so-called war, I refuse to call it so. Probably some bleeding heart liberal like me running around slappin’ “No blood for sugar!” bumper stickers on everything he/she sees. Anyway, red velvet seems right up his alley I’d say.
Thanks for the reply. I enjoyed your comment. I would love to see someone tagging vehicles with that bumper sticker!
-Josh
I feel shame as a Friday the 13th fan that I did not realize today was The Day.
I would have had way more fun killing those camp councelors this afternoon had I but known.
On top of all that, I did it wearing my Michael Myers mask. You can bet I won’t make the reverse mistake this October 31st.
I feel like such a damned fool!
It happens to the best of us. Thanks for the comment.
-Josh
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I love cupcakes and they’d stop me in my tracks, but I’m not a blood thirsty axe murder. Hm… Profession change? Nah. ;0)
Thank goodness. We don’t need anyone else lurking out there ready to kill. Thanks for the comment.
-Josh
Cupcakes so good that they are sinful. Now the young girls still gotta die.
LOL. Thanks for the comment.
-Josh
Now I’m hungry and homicidal.
Thanks for the comment. Please do not quench your appetite with blood!
-Josh
lol
Thanks. I’m glad that you liked it.
-Josh
Great post, this is by far the best story about cupcakes and Friday the 13th, I’ll ever read. (is that a stretch?) I concur, Jason Vorees is a sucker for red velvet, you know because he thinks the red is like blood. Yeah, he’s predictable.
I’m glad that you liked it. Thanks for stopping by.
-Josh
I, like you, failed to notice the date and I had absolutely no excuse. In fact, I spent the better part of my morning instructing a class of fourth graders not to forget to put the date in their journals. And repeatedly said the date! Fail.
Just saw that you made it to Freshly Pressed. Congrats on that! Fun stuff. *goes to find overdressed cupcake to celebrate Josh’s achievement*
I can’t believe that such a dreadful day slipped the minds of so many people. At least I am not alone. Thanks.
-Josh
“Newsflash dipstick. There is already something raw about cup-caking. It’s called eggs!”
Me<—-LMAO
I’m glad that you had a good laugh. Thanks for the comment.
-Josh
Hilarious! That reminds me, I have a bear claw in the kitchen that I meant to eat. Before I go wandering off though, I also thought the day went strangely unnoted. Even the women in my office that take the tiniest thing and make a 3 hour conversation out of it didn’t make mention. Weird.
Looks like you dodged two bullets today: Jason and the chatty lady at the water cooler. Awesome! Thanks for dropping by.
-Josh
I always used to be slightly paranoid about Friday the 13th, I was probably one of the most superstious people on the planet – I still am a bit! Since I’ve grown up, however, I’ve realized that infact, Friday the 13th is one of my lucky days! -It’s the day after that’s the worst.
Great Blog 🙂
..including the part about cupcakes!
Thanks for the comment. I wish you the best on the 14th!
-Josh
Like Jason, it kind of sneaks up on you. Thanks for the comment.
-Josh
I really got a kick out of this post! Interesting blog.
I’m glad that you liked it and I’m sorry that it kicked you. I will have a chat with my blog. That type of behavior will not be tolerated. Thanks again.
-Josh
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good post!
I also didn’t notice that last Friday was on the 13th.
But I remembered that today is “VJ Day”…
How long have you been living in Japan by the way?
I’ve been here for two years. I have at least one left, maybe two. Thanks for the post.
-Josh
I enjoyed that post! good stuff!
http://www.TheRealBG.com
I’m glad that you liked it. Thanks for commenting.
-Josh
Hahahaha – who knew cupcakes could cause such a ruckus? Geez – I went to the cup cake store (yes, we have about 100) yesterday – the attraction is that you can pick all sorts of “tastes” without buying all sorts of big cakes. Cupcake Wars … I wish that was the most serious situation in the world. GREAT POST! P.S. Scary movies scare me –
Maybe Jason, like every misunderstood murderer, has a soft spot for cupcakes because his mother never loved him and he wishes for those sweet, family times. The cupcake will stop him in his tracks long enough for you to run away… just make sure it’s a big cupcake and not one of those one bite cupcakes or else then you’re dead.
My Friday the 13th was actually really, really an awful day. I kinda wished I had someone like Jason to just end it now, but somehow I made it through alive… but barely.
Pingback: Friday the 13th meets Cupcake Wars (via The Good Twin) « Reenie Keen is Dead and Gone
Thanks for linking my post!
-Josh
I totally agree with you, I was here wondering to myself. “Darn I must be getting really old or something.” The tv channels are no longer swept with the eve of Friday the 13th thrilling movies, besides the day in itself!? Hell NO!!! They just simply forget it. How could the media forget the most gruesomely bloody and notorious date of all time? But I know why? They thought that if it’s not mentioned or celebrated as always, those sadistically crazy and disturbing freaks out there- waiting on the date to mark more vengeance will be deprived of the power and hype, they usually adore so much. Some experts want us to believe that, but upholding the date, keep the good public also alert, I believe.
I don’t know what happened to television. I guess that we are getting fragile when it comes to a good scare. Thanks for the comment.
-JOsh
I enjoyed the post! I just heard about Cupcake Wars the other day. I thought it was a joke. Have we run completely out of ideas?
http://culturemonkey.wordpress.com
I guess so. It plays over here on AFN all the time. I didn’t know that there were that may flavors out there. Thanks for the comment.
-Josh
funny 🙂
Thanks.
-Josh
Jalapeno in cup cakes?!! I’d sooner cook the chef. I don’t think they are going for taste as much as the shock value. I appreciated your post!
I think that if it isn’t chocolate with vanilla frosting, it is probably bad for you. No wonder Jason is pissed. He can’t get a normal cupcake!
-Josh
LOL! Right on!…I wonder what those fruity chefs would do if he made a cameo! bet they wouldn’t try to force one of those jalapeno cupcakes on him for starters.
They would probably wet their aprons! Thanks for stopping by.
-Josh
🙂 u have very nice blog!
Thank you very much! I’m glad that you enjoyed it.
-Josh
Interestingly, it is not Friday but Tuesday that is the unlucky day in Spain. Always, fascinating to see that different cultures have so many similar superstitions but often with a slight difference…
I wonder which country has it right? I would like to know for sure when I need to be careful! Thanks for commenting.
-Josh