Freshly Pressured


Wow…what a weekend folks. I survived another rejection notice, I went to the circus with my wife and kids, and one of my posts was featured on Freshly Pressed! I cannot tell you how excited I was (and still am) that the “Powers that Be” chose one of my posts to be featured! I felt like a rock-star. Still do. I know that my wife and children are probably tired of hearing about it. Thank you to all of the folks out there who visited my blog and all of those who left a comment. I truly enjoyed reading each of your remarks and I hope that you all come back soon for another visit.

There are some definite benefits to being featured on Freshly Pressed. You get the satisfaction of knowing that your blog will be reviewed by more readers and you get a big boost in confidence. On the contrary, there is also an often overlooked consequence to being displayed on the WordPress homepage; pressure. I’m now lumped in with those who belong to the seedy underbelly of the blogosphere; the one time wonders of Freshly Pressed. I now feel super pressured to post better content. I know that quality trumps quantity, but what if I make a spelling error, or even worse, what if one of my blog post falls flat on its digital face? What then? I now know how the primates at the local zoo must feel about their situation. I feel terrible for all of the acclaim and recognition that I have lavished on those simple apes. How pressured they must feel to consistently outdo their last performance…what a shame. In the future I will be mindful of their strife prior to boasting of their over-the-top showmanship and their humorous antics. Perhaps that will allow them a fleeting moment of relief, at the least.

I guess that about does it for now. Again, thanks to those of you who read my blog, even the ones that did not like it. I know who you are, by the way. I hold no grudge, but next year I may forget to remind you of the dreadful day! In the meantime, stay classy!

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32 thoughts on “Freshly Pressured

  1. dearest brother,

    honestly, this post is terrible. you’ll likely lose any fan-base that you’d acquired over the weekend… and that blog about little gretchen’s first guinea pig… well, it will be “freshly impressive” compared to this! the only thing that i really enjoyed about your post was the salutation, “stay classy”. only because it sounded so alien coming from you… classy. perhaps you should have concluded with “stay trashy”- which suits your writing style better. hope you receive critique well, as you’ll probably be getting hammered with a severe serving of it!

    i cannot leave you hopeless, brother. so, in closing, i will quote our father. remember “even a damn retarded and blind squirrel can find a nut from time to time”. keep trying. you may find another nut. but, i doubt it.

    lovingly,
    The Bad Twin

    • Dearest Twin

      Your subtle encouragement is not lost upon me. Knowing you as no other does (or wishes to), I am certifiably sure that beneath the ill-composed comment riddled with typographical errors and grammatical atrocities, there lies your hope that my blog posts will flourish. I am not sure that I know young Gretchen, or her guinea pig for that matter, but I’m sure that she feels the same. I humbly accept your deft attempt to hide your true pride on my recent accomplishment. Thank you my half-ling. May you have a glorious day and may today be the day that your dormant DNA that holds you back from achieving my physical and mental prowess be released.

      With unbridled adoration,

      The Good Twin

      • My Half-ling,

        you are right. i am proud. however, the object of my affection and boasting is not found in you… certainly not in your jocular and often ill-prepared blog content. i boast in your failings. i always have. for thirty years, my joy has been to see you fall, headlong into my shadow. and, you’ve done it again. only this time… it was your blog post that fell into the dark abyss of my previous comments looming shadow! even my quick and messy responses seem to overpower your best efforts. i apologize, on behalf of mom, for raising you in such a way as to create a literary namby-pamby…

        with disdain for your writing style,
        The Bad Twin

      • Younger and weaker Twin

        Perhaps I misjudged the depths of your resentment. It is quite often that I find myself wishing that you were not such a feeble adversary. If it were not for fear of the response of our loving parents, I would have ended your miserable suffering long ago. Since I love you dearly, a soft pillow would have probably done the trick. I’m sure that you do not know what I speak of, but it is likely for the best. I do not want to spin you into a fit of drooling paranoia. I’m sure that an ill-received fear of pillows would probably find you resting on the cold floor most nights, causing an even more pronounced ‘hunch’ to your back. Your dim-witted shenanigans actually amuse me. It is for this reason that I continue to allow you the sufferings that you bring to our family name. Perhaps a retreat to an evil summer camp would do you some good. Let me know how that works out for you. I will accept correspondence via crayon and construction paper. All I ask is that you refrain from licking the stamp, as I fear that your weak DNA may rub off on the uniformed men and women of the postal service. Lord knows that we don’t need anything else to slow them down.

        With Love and a tiny gob of pity,

        The Good Twin

  2. Hi Josh.
    Just discovered your blog and I’m really enjoying it.
    I feel a bit of an intruder here as my comment is being submitted in the middle of, what I can only describe as an increasingly bitter sibling war.
    I would offer to mediate but feel that would deprive me and others of the pleasure we are having watching yourself and your twin verbally batter each other. I am also a coward and would not like to get on the wrong side of you.
    Good luck.
    Mike

    • Mike

      I’m glad that you stopped by. Probably right in time to save my sad brother’s skin. It is likely for the best that I call a temporary peace treaty. I will resume this contest of will when all ‘non-combatants’ have cleared the battlefield. Thanks again for the comment. I’m glad that you enjoy the blog.
      -Josh

  3. Great blog title today, and don’t worry, your first entry after your “Freshly Pressed” appearance is spot on.

    Thanks for the insight into the experience, by the way. It’s helpful for those of us who are still waiting for a shot at the spotlight (hint hint, wordpress).

  4. Poor Sibling,

    please sit down. i need to tell you something… after years of long-suffering and much forbearance, the truth must be told. mom and dad purchased you, my clone, from a flea-market geneticist… please do not be angry with my parents, your owners. it was my idea. i had not enough time in the day to concentrate on rabble-rousing and ninja turtles – mother demanded obedience and strict adherence to my sonly duties. i requested a clone. to take out the garbage, help dad build my pine-wood derby cars, eat my vegetables… and countless other things that children need not be bothered with. mom and dad soon conceded and we bought you at the jockey-lot.

    alas, the geneticist has contacted the family and issued a most untimely and unfortunate decree… you’ve been recalled. you are a danger. it is no surprise. mother suspected this back in ’97 when your left foot began to melt. and dad in ’89 when your motor-skills proved less than average when attempting to hit a baseball. most notably, however, was the time that we realized that you had girl parts…

    on behalf of the family… i want to thank you. for your service to us and, especially, for the many times that you received brutal and harsh treatment only because you are a machine. it must have made my punishments less abrasive. thank you, my metallic souled brother. we will miss you.

    read the following number aloud… please, however, be prepared to immediately shut down. and do not be concerned. your family are clones as well. we have programmed them to ‘love’ you until you expire.

    8675309

    post script: hahahahaha… no response? hahahahaha…

    • Dearest Twin

      I will return to this uneven battle shortly. I have very important business to attend to. Please prepare yourself for our future engagement, as I find it increasingly difficult to face your pitiful offenses. You may want to start with attempting to maintain a more firm grasp on the alphabet. From there, we will work on your spittle issue. Good luck.

      Thinking of your plight,

      The Good Twin

  5. Bwahahahaha! “literary namby-pamby” and “rable-rousing ninja turtles”.
    Far be it from me to judge a Freshly Presseder, but I must say, oh mighty blogger, that your half-ling’s rapier wit may rival even yours. What made this post one of my favorites of yours was not the simian content and self defamation, but rather the sibling mud slinging conducted in pristine manners and, yes, even class. Bravo Wonder Twins, Bravo!

    • I’m glad to hear that you enjoyed the post and the comments. I can assure you though, that my wicked brother has no class. Zero, zilch, none. He is a very dangerous individual. The force is strong with that one, but unfortunately, he resides on the dark side.
      -Josh

    • Thanks for reading. As I do concede that we share eerily similar DNA, that is precisely where the resemblance ends. I do admit that he shares my rugged good looks, but he is approximately two nuggets short of a happy meal. It’s quite sad, actually. He must resent the genetic potential that he has so foolishly squandered.
      -Josh

    • damyanti…

      let me introduce myself… i am everything that my inferior mirror-image brother is not. i am loving and kind. i am quick on the uptake. my friends, as compared to my brother’s ‘imaginary friends’, luxuriate in my company. although i am not the most interesting man in the world, i have enjoyed a dos xx with him. i look very similar to brad pitt, but a little different in the body and face. and, lastly, if i were writing a blog, you would have difficulty sleeping – as anticipation over whether or not i’ve updated a post would keep you vigilant and unable to rest.

      pleasure to make your acquaintance,
      The Bad Twin

      • i nearly forgot…

        to my father’s less fortunate son,

        i admittedly enjoy posting to your blog. however, i feel as though my honor and integrity have been slighted. it is unfortunate, at the least, that others mistake my upscale and superior writing as your bland tomfoolery. i do not want to steal the spotlight from you, yet again. this may well be my last comment on this thing you call a blog.

        regretfully sharing your last name,
        The Bad Twin

  6. congrats for making to the Freshly Pressed? I never made it in almost a year of blogging… but then, I didn’t write a great post like yours! šŸ˜‰
    Maybe one day… BTW, did you know 13 is a lucky number in Italy, and our equivalent would be Friday the 17th?

  7. I doubt I’ll ever have to worry about the pressure, so is it cool if I live vicariously through you? Just a thought…. Anyway, don’t let the pressure get you… or get to you more? because it sounds like it already has… oh crap, now I don’t know how to end this so I’ll end with the always appropriate “peace, my brother from another mother”. That is all.

    – Calhoun

    http://selfproclaimedmegalomaniac.wordpress.com/

    • Calhoun

      Thanks for visiting. I don’t think that you would want to live vicariously through me…you would have to deal with my brother! That gets tedious.
      -Josh

  8. After you were kind enough to congratulate me on my 100th post, I checked out your blog and realized you had become a celebrity. Congratulations! I look forward to enjoying catching up reading your posts when you were still among us 240,459, too.

  9. Dear bad twin, I still suspect both you and the good twin are the same person šŸ™‚

    If this is not the case, I realize I have offended you as well as your good counterpart, and apologize to both! rofl

  10. Congratulations on being freshly pressed! And surviving the rejection. I’m taking my rejection slips and using them as battle scars. Not quite Captain Quint, but they’ll do. (:

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