Well, well, well….times sure are tough folks. Here is a great example of just how tough they really are:
My son lost his first tooth this week and boy was he excited. For once, we did not have to coerce him into going to bed. We didn’t have to tuck him in or turn out his lights or read him a story. Nope, not this time. This time, he hit the sack like a champ. Lights out, tooth under pillow, and a gapped grin spread across his sweet little face. This was pay day-Tooth Fairy Day!
Our son is only six, but he knows quite a bit about life and it’s guarantees. He knows that if he cusses, he gets a spanking. He knows that if he is good, he gets to play Xbox. He also knows that the Tooth Fairy pays top dollar for bottom teeth! Unfortunately, our son woke up rather disappointed on Friday.
I heard him rummaging around in his room early Friday morning. I could hear him talking to himself and I could also hear him tearing through his sheets looking for something. Not one to miss out on his strange antics, I got up and made my way to his room. He looked very disturbed; angry even. I could tell that he had something on his mind, so I asked him, “Son, what’s the matter?”
“I got stiffed Dad,” he said.
“What do you mean, you got stiffed,” I asked.
“The Tooth Fairy…she didn’t leave me any money,” he shouted. He lifted his pillow to lay proof to his claim and sure enough, there was no money to be found. The only thing that lay under his spittle stained pillow were broken dreams. The tooth was missing, and so was the money.
Shocked, I tried to muster up some encouraging words of wisdom to offer my sobbing child. I had nothing. Never in my 30 years on this earth had I heard of such an egregious circumstance. The Tooth Fairy failed to make good on payment due! There had to be a logical explanation. So, like any good Father, I looked to Google for advice.
A quick search for instances of Tooth Fairy misconduct yielded astonishing results. I clicked on the first link and found that a young couple in South America had suffered through a similar experience. Dios Mio! To add insult to injury, the tooth was not the only thing missing from their young Daughter’s room. It seems that someone had also taken the poor child’s Ipod. Despicable.
I checked another link…same story. Tooth gone, no money, and items stolen. Alarmed by the eerie coincidence, I rushed to my son’s room for a quick inventory of his belongings. Sure enough, it seemed that he too was the victim of a looting. His prized copy of Halo for the XBOX 360 was missing. In it’s place, there was a note. It read:
“Dear Young Man,
I regret to inform you that due to dismal returns on my investment portfolio and a string of poor choices of a personal nature, I am unable to reimburse you for your lost tooth. I have, none-the-less, taken said tooth; as it is my inherant duty to ensure that it finds it’s way to it’s final resting place. It saddens me even further to inform you that I have had to take the liberty of ascertaining one of your video games. I do hope that I chose one that you don’t often play. I pray that you hold no ill feelings towards myself or any other variety of fairy. Our people are in dire financial straights, as we do not qualify for governmental assistance or any social recovery programs. I did, however, petition President Obama to support a program entitled ‘Cash For Molars,’ but he laughingly declined. Do not discount the resilient nature of fairy folk. We will prevail through these difficult times. My uncle, the Toenail Fairy, has already seemed to have had some luck in emerging markets. On a final note, I hope that you are not overly fond of the upcoming holiday, Halloween. I hear that the Pumpkin King has been incarcerated for selling bootleg DVDs. It seems that he is unable to make bail. Best Wishes. The Tooth Fairy.”
I hope that the economy bounces back soon. I couldn’t live without Peeps!